A Final Farewell
A LETTER AND EQUIPMENT LIST FROM SUE MORGAN WHO HEAT
DEALS WITH WHEN THEY HAVE INJURED SWANS
EQUIPMENT FOR THE NOVICE WILDLIFE RESCUER
Small bottle of brandy for courage,
fortification, estimation, consolidation and any other ‘action’
you can think of
Lightweight summer jacket because
it will turn cold as soon as you try to capture the animal
Heavy weight winter coat because
it may be 80 degrees when you set out but will have turned to minus
4 when you begin your rescue.
Waterproofs because the sun will
be shining without a cloud in the sky when you begin but will deteriorate
to hurricane conditions by the middle of your rescue.
Heavy duty waterproofs because
in the middle of August there will be a torrential downpour and
you may drown
Global Positioning system because
neither the R.S.P.C.A., nor member of the public can give you accurate
directions to find your rescue 7. 264 Ordinance Survey maps because
you may end up in any part of the country.
An extra two foot because no matter
how long your swan pole, the bird will be a further two feet away
from the end of it.
Strong air-freshener for the
car because the captured bird will register it’s protest by
copiously poo-ing everywhere
A complete change of clothing
for when you land up to your neck in water, get soaking wet or pooed
on by the said rescue.
A crossword puzzle to complete
whilst you wait for the rain to stop.
A board game to play whilst you
still wait for the rain to stop.
Two mobile phones because your,
first one, will have run down the battery at precisely the moment
you need to make an emergency call.
Full kit make-up, handy mirror,
hairdryer and brush so as to be looking your best when Fire Brigade
Complete list of useful telephone numbers –
suggestions as follows.
R.S.P.C.A., who may not always
be in a position to assist.
Local vet for advice and emergency
Essex Fire Brigade Headquarters
who will laugh extensively at your predicament but will send help
within five minutes.
Essex Police who may not answer
Your best friend because at times
such as these you need to tell someone what an exciting life you
Your Mother, Father, Sister,
Brother because they can sympathise with your situation and be very
glad it’s not them.
The phone number of the informant
who spotted the rescue and is now sitting at home watching the TV
whilst you’re still out trying to catch the blighter
The local off-license so that
you can send for supplies of alcohol before, during and after the
An extremely large bottle of
brandy for when you get home.
All that is left for me to say Chris
“welcome to wildlife rescue – you are learning fast. Sincere
and grateful thanks to all you ‘girls’ for stepping in
so efficiently, which enabled me to have a break – please can
I go next year? (Only joking)